Ooh, give us a clue.
I'm doing sudoku, Robyn.
Right.
Eight?
It's a mystery to me.
TERRl: What is? ROBYN: Government. Opposition.
There used to be this Woolworths near where I grew up and...
Yeah, Robyn, I'm not an oral historian.
The point is it closed down,
and then a little while later it opened up again as a cheapo shop,
with the same staff.
- DoSAC is Woolworths? - Well, not Woolworths, then.
- Like a pub. - Right.
When the new lot get in, we'll be under new management.
I can hardly think of Peter Mannion pulling pints. Can you?
Fuck Stewart and his white board
and his post-post-modernism or whatever it is for this week.
I just know he's going to suggest a team-building weekend,
"Oh, how about Ypres?" Or, "No, let's update that. Dresden."
I could imagine Peter as a maitre d' at a lovely, old-fashioned restaurant.
Mmm-hmm. Or a conductor.
Eyes closed and the baton aloft,
to some nice piece of Debussy.
I hear he doesn't get on with Stewart Parsons.
Stewart Pearson? He's known as the Care Bear.
- Is he cuddly? - Well, no. He's round.
And he's fully of airy-fairy policies. Lots of jargon.
Well, I suppose all political propaganda is a jargony calling.
- What, like Lord Ha-Ha? - Do you mean Lord Haw-Haw?
(IN LOW VOICE) You know, "Jargony calling. Calling jargony."
Stewart, we're working with very limited information.
Who is the very obvious link between the two warring tribes? Me.
We're not doing this.
Yeah, you're like the bridge over the River Kwai.
Phil, for fuck's sake, this is my relationship we're talking about.
- Just 'cause you never had one. - Yeah.
- Yeah. Kwai me a river, Emma. - Brilliant.
Look, you know the deal, Emma, relationships come and go
like the next generation of Apple products.
I'm already on my third marriage,
and between you and me, wedding 4G is already in development.
If only you could get a pre-nup on an iPhone, yeah?
Oh, it's going to be nice seeing a few fresh faces around DoSAC.
Change is as good as a rest.
Although we do get a rest, somewhat.
As soon as the election's called, we can go into hibernation.
What, like a bear? Or like a little hedgehog?
No, not like that, Robyn.
More like the permanent administrative support structure
of Her Majesty's government held in suspension
until the appointment of a new administration. Do you see?
And we'll be frantic here with Peter and his team flashing round,
- trying to make their mark. - Yep.
This is mint.
It's like the fall of Troy but with visitor's passes
instead of a wooden horse.
"It may be that the gulfs will wash us down
"It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles
"And see the great Achilles whom we knew"
- I meant the film Troy? - Awesome.
Yeah, Phil, try and stay calm. This isn't Mission Impossible, okay?
This is DoSAC. It's Mission Plausible.
Bitch, don't be wailing on my ass just 'cause you're grounded.
God, it's horrible here. It's like one of those humane abattoirs.
Or that Mormon repository
where they're gathering the names of everyone who ever lived
and waiting for the sky to turn into a retractable roof.
Yeah.
PHIL: Okay, stand by for some image collation.
- PERM SEC: Mr Mannion, hello. - Ah.
- James Drury. - Oh, hello, James.
- How nice to meet you. - You too. Very nice to meet you.
- Phil Smith, researcher. - Hello.
You weren't taking photos, were you? Strictly speaking, that's forbidden.
No, I'm checking the air quality. I've got asthma.
Have you? Oh, poor chap.
(MOBILE RINGING)
(CLICKS TONGUE) Sorry. One sec. Mum, I...
I didn't hang up on you, Mum. I'm really busy today.
I'm trying to simultaneously run the country
while at the same time stopping my daughter
turning into Charles Manson.
Okay, I'm now going to say goodbye politely.
- Goodbye. - Malcolm's coming.
(SIGHS) Mood?
Ah, well, he told me to do something with my penis
that I don't think is actually permissible
under the Judeo-Christian moral code,
but it could've been
- a jovial suggestion. - Fine.
I saw you cosying up with Peter earlier.
No. No, no, no, no. Let me disabuse you of that.
It was Peter that sought me out,
and our relationship is purely professional.
I hardly think it's a "relationship", do you, Terri?
It's a professional relationship.
We've all heard about the Peter porn.
The porn screensaver?
- Can you stop saying "porn"? - I mean...
This has got absolutely nothing to do with me.
That was Olly and Glenn.
And they had some idea that it was going to be funny.
And it was. As a matter of fact, I think it turned out quite well
because Peter saw me as the sort of girl who, you know, is up for a laugh.
Or up for S-E-X, and a tiny bit weird.
- Can you just buzz off, please, Robyn? - Ooh. Hit a raw nerve, have I?
- I said buzz off. Buzz off, Robyn. - All right.
You don't belong in politics, Phil. That's your problem.
You should be, I don't know, rowing across the Atlantic
in your old school satchel, that's more your scene, isn't it?
I think you'll find I'm very much at home here.
I mean, this is brilliant.
It's like being handed the blueprints to the Death Star.
I cannot wait to drop a fat one down your ventilation shaft.
Fantastic. Fantastic.
You literally couldn't sound more public school
if you said, "Rupert has got a vagina in his bum
"and I had sex with it when nanny wasn't looking."
- Fuck's sake. - That never happened.
- Hello, everyone. - Hello.
I'm Richard, your presenter.
All right, listen. You probably know this.
We've got a breaking story about fat-cat city bonuses.
The opposition are going to be sweating like Vegas Elvis on a squash court.
I want to listen to this Richard Bacon thing.
- Talk radio. Sexy! - Shh.
After trading blows in the dailies,
it's now time for them to meet face to face.
So it gives me great pleasure to introduce Nicola Murray...
- Hello. ...Secretary of State
for the Department of Social Affairs.
Fuck me! This is like a clown running across a minefield.
Well, it's quite an extraordinary allegation. A very serious...
... allegation. - Yes!
Did we just break a story that wasn't the Ipswich manager just got sacked?